A Lifetime of Love

Life Beautiful by Margaret McSweeney During a quiet moment after Thanksgiving, I started reading my parents' stack of love letters that I recently found in a storage box. As a Christmas gift to you, I would like to share my father's words to my mother written to her during Christmas 1949. This incredible "hug from heaven" has been a tangible affirmation that Pearl Girls has true meaning and great worth for women throughout the world. I pray that God will continue to bless this ministry and outreach. May we all realize that the grit in our lives can be transformed into grace through the love of God. This is what I found written on a tiny folded card inscribed with "Christmas Greetings" on the front: Christmas 1949 My Dearest Carolyn, Truly a jewel is a thing of beauty, but a life that is lived to serve others and to glorify our Christ, such as yours, is my dearest, a far surpassing gem in radiance and beauty. Pearls to me, symbolize this "Life Beautifu...

A busy, fun-filled week is behind us and another one is ahead. Last week the little kids had their Christmas program at preschool on Wednesday and they all looked so cute! Ta and T.G. were both reindeers, and Teagan was an elf- precious! This upcoming week, the kids and I will be baking our Christmas cookies, having friends over for a cookie exchange, and just enjoy being together as a family. I am looking forward to spending time with them in the quietness of our house as we prepare for Christmas. Friday was Th’s last day at his school. When school resumes on January 4th, he will be attending our zoned school. It was a sad day as we both loved his school but I just did not think he was learning as much as he should under the supervision of his classroom teacher. TJ and I met with the principal to discuss our options and although she did offer to move him to a different classroom, I didn’t want Th to have to explain to his friends why he was being moved. Although moving to a new school...

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~Psalm 23 ********************************************************** I have been thinking about Twin A a lot this past week. I don’t know why, but I have been. And I still get sad and cry, mourning the little life that once was. This morning, in my daily bible reading, I read this passage. It is a very familiar passage as I’ve read it numerous other times. But, for some reason, today I really too...

For those who don’t already know, last Saturday we found out we are expecting another girl. TJ picked the name Taylor, and her middle name will be Ann, after my feisty 95-year-old Italian grandmother. Personally I was hoping for a boy simply since my last two children have been girls, but the important thing is that she is healthy and seems to be doing well. I go back to the doctor in about 2 weeks, but I can feel her kicking and moving around so that is very reassuring in terms of her well-being. I still think Twin A was a boy and it’s funny because when the boys talk about Twin A, they also refer to “him”, too. The Christmas season is upon us in full-force! At preschool we are busy decorating ornaments and other gifts for the children to give to their parents, practicing songs for our Christmas performance on the last day of school, and I am implementing cookie baking/decorating as part of the children’s learning the final few days of preschool. At home we are still trying to find a ...

Tomorrow is the big day! My mom and sis have been planning this baby shower since mid-August. I am excited as I haven't received any new "baby gear" since Th's birth over 7 years ago. May not seem like a long time ago but considering my stuff has gone through 4 children, it's definitely worn and seen better days. :) I am not as excited about finding out what I'm having as I thought I would be. It's not that I'm not excited, but part of me feels like I am having a girl and Twin A was a boy. I will never know for sure until I reach Heaven, but it's a feeling I've had since I found out about the twins. I suppose a part of me is thinking that by finding out the gender of the other, I am confirming my suspicions. Does that make sense? Regardless, I am happy and thankful that I am now able to feel the baby move, helping to lessen my fears with each kick. I have been feeling movement for a few weeks, but as I get further along, the movements are more ...

I have gone through a gamut of emotions as a result of the death of Twin A. However, I can honestly say that I have learned more about the Lord in the past 2 months than I have over the course of the past several years. It has been a difficult journey for our family as we were all excited about the arrival of the babies, but the good news is that God is faithful and will never leave us nor forsake us, especially when times are tough and life seems to be at its worst. The Lord has shown me that He is good and what He does is good, and it was good for me to experience this trial. It was created just for me and the Lord will see me through it. I have difficulty trusting others and the one major thing I have learned is that God is trustworthy. There was a point where I did not think so, but when I read my Bible and realized that the only other option was to not trust God, than I really had no choice. If I do not trust God, than I either trust in myself or in someone else. I have been let d...

The outreach at the VA clinic was AMAZING! The Lord truly blessed that endeavor and I can't wait to do it again next year. This past Wednesday night at church I shared about the Lord's hand with that as it was clearly evident in so many ways. Here are just a few: provided over 400 baked items donated from church members (my goal was 200) provided a tent for us to use in case of rain (which it did!) provided volunteers who worked in shifts alongside me from 7:30am to noon prepared the hearts of the Clinic workers in a mighty way (the Clinic Administrator was out of town and forgot to inform the staff we were coming. They came out to inquire why we had set up a tent, table, and baked goods. Once I told them what we were doing, they were ecstatic and took pictures of us serving the veterans at various times throughout the morning!) One clinic worker has been attending the church since I first phoned to set up the event. She was looking for a new church home and shared with the pas...

I've been busy baking and packaging cookies, brownies, and other baked goods to pass out at the local Veteran's Clinic on Tuesday in honor of Veteran's Day (federal offices are closed on Wednesday, Veteran's Day). I solicited the help of my church so it has become an outreach opportunity for the veterans in our community. I thought of the idea last year but it was only a few days before Veteran's Day, not enough time to organize something. I am thankful the Lord brought it to my mind again this year with enough time to get through the "red tape" that often accompanies doing anything involving God and government. So far we've hit only minor roadblocks that have been easily overcome; God is in control. I have received an outpouring of support from my church and can't even begin to tell you how many baked goods I have in my kitchen. My goal was for 20 dozen items and I have surpassed that number exceedingly . One church member is the store manager for...

Wow! Where have the past 3 years of my life gone? It is difficult to remember my life without having T.G. in it! I remember when I found out I was having a girl after having the boys; I was ecstatic! I immediately sewed a pink diaper bag and began to shop and stock up on dresses and other girl clothes. T.G. has been a blessing since the moment she was conceived and I am so thankful to have her! Compared to her two older brothers, she is quiet, sweet, and VERY girlie! Every day she tells me how she wants to wear her hair (in a ponytail, 2 ponytails (pigtails), pretzels (braids)) and what color hair bow to go with her clothes (usually pink). Since getting her ears pierced about 2 weeks ago, she is constantly looking at her earrings in the mirror. She also loves shoes, and takes a good 5 minutes each day deciding upon which shoes to wear. She is so opposite me that it makes me smile- she is truly a unique individual with her own ideas and thoughts. I just love it! T.G. has also recently s...

TJ and I have decided to homeschool Th beginning next school year (when he enters 2 nd grade). This decision has been prayerfully considered for almost a year. Honestly, we never thought we'd put our children in public school, but because of my school schedule, Th was forced to start kindergarten at a public school. I began praying about homeschooling starting this year (2009-1010) but just did not have peace about it. He had such a fabulous year last year and his teacher was so WONDERFUL that it made the decision for him to continue in public school that much easier on us for this school year. However, everything has changed. The day after I found out the death of Twin A, Th brought a note home from his teacher. In this note, she told me that since the beginning of school he had not done any of his lessons. Just a little background: he attends a Montessori school. It is a great school and I love the philosophy behind Montessori. Basically the children are placed in multi-age cl...

I found this poem and it has become my prayer. I pray, as I continue to face this trial, that I would reflect Jesus in all I do and say. **************************************************** Teach My Heart By: Priscilla Marsceau Dear Lord, give me a song That lasts into dawn; Teach my heart to sing in the night. Help me place in Your hands Broken dreams, shattered plans; On my knees, may I sing of Your might. Take my heart’s deep despair, Every burden and care; Touch my life, let it reflect Your light, So that others may see I trust only in Thee- Teach my heart, Lord, to sing in the night. ~ At the end of the day When I’d lose my way, Teach my heart to sing in the night. In a prison of pain, When my strength would wane, On my knees, may I sing of Your might. When my pride would bring shame And reproach to Your name, Touch my life, let it reflect Your light, So that others may see Only Jesus, not me. Teach my heart, Lord, to sing in the night.

The u/s went well this morning, although it didn't start off that way. The technician wasn't sure if she'd be able to see all she needed to see because I am not quite 18 weeks (I will be on Saturday). But, thankfully for me, the baby is measuring a little big so she was able to get the measurements she needed. Anatomically speaking, all the critical organs are developed and functioning as they should. Also, the cord is a 3-vessel cord and the placenta is located high up. The only concern is that the baby is breech, but there is still plenty of time for it to turn itself around. TJ and I do not know what we are having as of yet. The technician wrote it down and included pictures from the u/s and sealed them in an envelope addressed to my mom. We will find out in about a month what we are having. We are excited to be doing it this way and are looking forward to the surprise. TJ picked the girl's name, and if the baby is a girl she will be named Taylor Ann. I picked the ...

Wondering if the sadness will end. I think sometimes I fool myself into believing I am better, moving on and getting past the rawness of the truth of the situation. But then comes the night, and I am faced with my thoughts and my God. I am going to be completely honest here, because I haven't been. I've been fooling myself so that my thoughts don't stray too far off course. I am angry. I am hurt. And I am so, so, so very sad. It seems like now I see mothers of twins everywhere (or perhaps I am just noticing more, I don't know). And it's not fair. I know, I know. I tell my kids all the time life is not fair. But, really, it isn't fair. Why do some people get to carry and deliver healthy, happy babies while others, like me, do not? And why does it have to happen more than once? I know God is good and worthy to be praised in all things, but I am struggling right now. I am seriously struggling. I am battling anger and doubt towards God in so many ways. It's hard...

Found this and it describes perfectly the emotions I am feeling. It's so hard. . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuiOdXC9aB4

I can't believe I am 4 m0 nths pregnant today. When I found out about the twins, I was expecting to be big from the start. Things started out that way (I was in maternity clothes by week 9) but they seem to have leveled out. I haven't gained any weight and have actually lost a couple of pounds. I'm eating, but obviously burning everything I consume. I mostly attribute it to being busy and caring for my other children, although grief has shared in part. I went back to the doc for blood work (genetic testing) on Thursday. It was difficult to walk into the office. The front office staff immediately inquired about how I was doing and that was nice, but I of course teared up. I had to keep my composure, though, because I had my 3 little ones with me. I didn't want to start crying in front of them. T.G. saw me cry one time and since then, she is constantly asking me if I am sad. I didn't see the doc but I go back in 2 weeks for my u/s. I have mixed feelings about that a...

Not much to say. Still grieving and don't expect anyone who has never experienced this type of loss to understand. This is even new for me! With my first miscarriage, once I went to the doctor and found out what happened, I was able to deal with the grief on my own. In this situation, because I am still pregnant, I am constantly reminded of it. I have to go back to the doctor on Thursday and re-live my last appointment all over again. I guess in some ways I am hoping the doctor was wrong and will receive news that all is well (which is why I haven't updated my sidebar). I keep praying that's the case as I am so saddened by this loss. It's so difficult to explain and like I said, if you've never gone through this, you can't even begin to imagine what it's like. The death of a child (and yes, that's what it was!) is something no one expects to deal with. Most expect to bury their parents and grandparents, but not their child. I also feel betrayed by my bod...

My heart is still hurting, a combination of our loss and the pain I see in my children, especially Th. He is my child who is very compassionate and tender-hearted and has taken the news harder than the others. I think it's because he's older and he understands more, and truthfully TJ and I underestimated his level of maturity and understanding. He teared up when we told the kids, but he was able to keep his composure and not let loose. But, he did immediately ask about the health and well-being of the other baby and wanted to know, "What if the other baby dies, too?" That took me by surprise as I was not prepared for that question. TJ handled it well and simply said, "Then we won't have any new babies and it will live with Jesus, too." But, I know the thought is weighing on his mind as his teacher told me last night on the phone that he told her what happened. I hate that he has become distracted by this news; I don't want the kids to worry so I am t...

It’s been an up-and-down kind of day for me. I did good for the most part, but I had my moments. I still haven’t fully accepted everything so I find myself studying the u/s picture searching for anything that remotely resembles a second baby. It’s not there, and it never will be. The pain of that reality still stings. Bad. I used to be a mother-of-multiples, now I'm not. How do I acknowledge this baby without acknowledging the other? With my last miscarriage I questioned everything: what did I do, how could I have prevented it, why did this happen. With this one, I am not questioning anything with the exception of one thing: I just want to know what went wrong. When I found out about the twins, both babies had good, strong heartbeats. The doctors never informed me of this “Vanishing Twin Syndrome” since both babies seemed to be doing well. A viable heartbeat reduced the risk of miscarriage (or VTS ) to less than 1 percent. I know I will never know until I get to heaven and can see ...

I do better with writing than I do with talking, especially when it comes to not-so-good news. I could never call each individual person, especially through the tears. I had my regular doctor’s appointment today. They did an ultrasound, and prior to that the doctor and I were talking about the last u/s. She was encouraged by the shape of the egg sacs and was very optimistic about the outcome of today’s u/s. However, much to our surprise, one of the babies has died. I’m not sure when as it is simply gone, like it never existed. It’s a phenomenon called “Vanishing Twin” and rather than having a miscarriage, the mother’s body absorbs it. The other baby looks great and the heartbeat is still nice and strong. A blessing in this tragedy. I am in a state of shock. I still can’t believe it. I feel like a part of me is missing- I can’t really explain it. I am grieving, but how do I grieve a baby I never met? I suppose I am grieving shattered dreams. Although I knew it was going to be difficult,...

Today is Th's birthday. I can't believe how quickly the years have passed since the Lord blessed us with him. Some hallmarks to his last year include: entering and successfully completing kindergarten in public school growing tall enough to ride some of the "big" rides at Carowinds learning to read and enjoying it, especially when reading to his brother or sister figuring out to spell words when TJ and I don't want the kids to know what we're talking about :) a growing imagination that impresses me each time he uses it We are probably one of the few families who does not own a video game system. I am not into video games, and neither is TJ , so that has never really been a desire for us. Plus, I limit their television viewing each day. As a result, the kids play more and use their imaginations more. My boys love to build things, and play so well together for the most part. Th is able to see something in his mind and construct it out of blocks, train tracks, ...

Here are a few pictures of her first year, along with the Lord’s blessings throughout. . . September 21, 2008, 2 1/2 weeks before her due date of October 8th. At birth- 7 lbs, 4 oz. All cleaned up. . . She was very jaundice. She had to sleep on a light bed for about 3 weeks after we brought her home. So thankful for God's provision in providing a smaller " bili -bed" that we could have in our home rather than keeping her in the hospital for that long. At 3 months old, her first Christmas. . . At 6 months old, eating solid food like a big girl. . . At 5 months old Teagan was still not holding her neck steady nor rolling over. I knew something was wrong and mentioned it to her pediatrician. He referred me to BabyNet , South Carolina's name of the portion of the special ed law that covers children birth to age 3. Teagan qualified for physical therapy and this is her at almost 7 months old, sitting supported. Again, so thankful for the Lord's intervention. You can ...

While I was busy cleaning out the toys and such, TJ took the older kids so I could work without interruption. He dropped T.G. off at his mom's house and took the boys to a local fundraiser event in Greer, The Big Dig. For a fee, the boys were able to drive real construction equipment. Needless to say, they had a blast! Here are some pictures from the day. . . On the shuttle to the dig site (Ta's first ride on a bus- he was excited!) Ta operating the digger. . . Th operating the bulldozer. . . Th driving a road grader. . . Ta scooping up a pile of dirt in the front-end loader. . . It should be obvious how much fun they had- I wish I could have enjoyed it with them instead of de -cluttering at home, but Lord willing we can go as a family next year! =) *I am thankful for a husband who is so involved with his children.*

Not really much to talk about this week. I spent the day yesterday going through all the toys we own trying to make room for toys received from 3 birthdays and Christmas coming up in the next 3 months. I separated everything into 4 piles: keep, toss, sell, & donate. Although it doesn't seem like I made a huge dent in our toy supply, I donated 1 huge bag of toys, trashed another, and have 3 boxes and 2 piles of toys in my bedroom that need to be cleaned and priced to sell. I have registered for a local consignment sale next week, so I need to get everything finished between now and next Tuesday. If I work on it a little each night, I should finish. I am not looking to get rich, but it will be nice to have a little extra money to put away for the babies we need to plan for. I am excited for tomorrow. My sis is having an ultrasound to determine her baby's gender. She wants a boy but would be okay with another girl. I just want to know because I'm excited for her. I'm g...

The first week of school went well. It was very exhausting (more than I anticipated!) but very fun. I have a wonderful class (17 in all) and I think it will be a great year. We begin our study of letters this week so I have been busy preparing mini-lessons to accompany each letter. I will admit I am surprised at the amount of preparation I need to do even in preschool. I thought because I was teaching only half-days the work load would be less; boy, was I wrong! I have brought work home with me each day, mainly because at the end of the day my own kids are ready to leave so I can't really finish up things at school. I am also surprised at how quickly the morning passes. It seems like we never have enough time to finish all that I want to get done in one day; I suppose I will learn to better manage our time as I get used to our daily routine. We do lots of art projects, and I am still working on timing those better so that we can finish them in one day rather than two. On a differen...

Brandon's family set up a CaringBridge site. I encourage you to read it, and if you feel so inclined, sign the guestbook with a word of encouragement. Even if Brandon or his family does not know you, this is a difficult time for them and any/all words of encouragement are appreciated. Thank you in advance! http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brandonfarley P.S. Cancer sucks!

Tomorrow is the first day of preschool. Typically this day is marked by excitement from all; this year, however, it's filled with a mixture of emotions. I am excited, but I am also very nervous. I have planned and prepared for this day all summer. I have met the kids and their parents, yet for some reason I am still nervous. I know I am adequately prepared. My awesome mentor teacher and friend Martha has helped me tremendously by providing tips and suggestions. She has encouraged me and supported my ideas since I was first offered the job back in February. I suppose a case of the "nerves" is normal for any first-year teacher. I just know how hard I have worked to make the classroom "mine", and I pray the Lord will bless my efforts. Something new this year is bible story, which I am happy about. I love to share about the Lord and this provides a scheduled time each day to do so. Pray for me this week as the kids and I get used to a new schedule and routine, both ...

Found this today and I just love it because it's so true. . . A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for. ~ Anonymous

My appointment went well and all looks good. I don't have to go back until the end of September, at which time I will have another u/s to count the number of placentas. The goal is for each baby to have his/her own and not a shared placenta. If they do share, then typically one baby gets more nutrients and grows at a more normal rate than the other. The delayed growth in the smaller baby is cause for concern, but we'll cross that bridge if/when we get there (doc's words, not mine). My goal (well, the doc's actually) for today's appointment was 2 separate egg sacks, which I have. At my next appointment, I will also schedule a level 2 u/s in Charlotte to ensure the babies are still looking good and to do some checking for genetic anomalies. I guess the risk is a little higher than with a "singleton" and it would not matter to TJ or I, but we'd rather know ahead of time for planning purposes. TJ and I sat and talked with the doc for a long time today (...

Open House day 1 at the preschool was today. I say day 1 because it's tomorrow, too. I had 1 parent stop by today but the rest will come tomorrow, which is my scheduled day. I was nervous but it went fine. I hope tomorrow goes as well. Thankfully I know some of the parents, and one of my good friend's daughter will be in my class. Plus, I sent out an introductory email last week and I've had a very positive response from them. Of the parents I don't already know, most have said how excited their child is and offered their support in various ways. That's a great sign of involved parents and I definitely want that! Very tired today and Teagan wasn't feeling her best so she and I stayed home from church tonight. Ta was very excited about church because he gets to join our church's 'Patch the Pirate' club. The kids memorize Scripture, sing songs, and learn Bible lessons related to everyday living. This is Th's 4 th year and Ta has always wanted to ...

Well, I hate to admit it, but I had to do it. I had to make the switch from regular to maternity clothes. Compared to the other children this is really early, but already I have begun to show (as TJ so kindly pointed out to me today!) and feel HUGE for the babies’ gestational age (9 weeks today). I tried to wear my regular clothes but each day it became harder and harder to squeeze my belly into restrictive waistbands. It was nice to be able to breathe today! I guess I am a little upset because I worked really hard to lose weight for our cruise (which I did). As a reward, I bought some new outfits just before we left. I literally only wore them 2-3 times, some only once. Plus, I usually lose weight the first 3-4 months of pregnancy because of nausea; however, since I’m not feeling sick (for the most part), I have already gained 2 pounds. That’s not a good sign! Oh well, now I’ll have more incentive to lose the baby weight once I deliver so I can fit back into my semi-new clothes. On a ...

I am so cheesy! =) About 15 minutes away from my hometown (in Ohio) is Twinsburg. Every year the town celebrates "Twins Days" the first full weekend in August. It just dawned on me that next year I will get to attend as a participant, not just as a spectator. That is pretty neat as it is a big event and often receives national media coverage. The good thing is it won't cost us much considering we can stay with family and enjoy the festivities all weekend long. I am already excited and looking forward to it!

Well, today unofficially marks the end of summer in our family. Th returns back to school tomorrow. He is excited but apprehensive because he does not know which of his friends will be in his class. The friends we have seen/spoken to this summer were all placed in other classes. He is hoping at least one of his friends from last year will be in his class. The summer passed quickly by. We were busy in June with VBS and a quick beach trip, July the older 3 kids attended a science camp for 3 weeks, and August marked our Bermuda trip. I have also spent many, many, many hours working in my classroom painting, organizing, sewing pillows/other items, cleaning, hanging items, making materials, and too much more to list. Open House is next Wednesday and Thursday and then school begins the following Tuesday. I am excited yet nervous for a new school year, particularly because this will be my first year teaching. But, I had such a wonderful mentor teacher last semester and I have incorporated so ...

The last entry regarding this latest pregnancy was sort of ominous in tone. . . the "not knowing" of what was going to happen had me in a state of fear: am I about to miscarry a baby I wasn't prepared to have, or is everything okay and my dates are just off because of an inconsistent cycle? The Lord provided some answers (and much more) at my doctor's appointment this past Monday. TJ offered to go with me but I declined since I was only meeting with a nurse to handle the insurance paperwork, schedule lab work, and set up my next appointment. However, much to my surprise, the nurse wanted to begin the appointment with an ultrasound to see where I "officially" stood: pregnant or on the verge of a miscarriage. Low and behold, the Lord had much more in store for me because as soon as the image appeared on the screen, I immediately, clearly, and distinctly saw two egg sacs with two "blobs" in the middle of each. I turned to the technician and asked, ...