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Showing posts from September 25, 2009

Back to normal? Hardly!

It’s been an up-and-down kind of day for me. I did good for the most part, but I had my moments. I still haven’t fully accepted everything so I find myself studying the u/s picture searching for anything that remotely resembles a second baby. It’s not there, and it never will be. The pain of that reality still stings. Bad. I used to be a mother-of-multiples, now I'm not. How do I acknowledge this baby without acknowledging the other? With my last miscarriage I questioned everything: what did I do, how could I have prevented it, why did this happen. With this one, I am not questioning anything with the exception of one thing: I just want to know what went wrong. When I found out about the twins, both babies had good, strong heartbeats. The doctors never informed me of this “Vanishing Twin Syndrome” since both babies seemed to be doing well. A viable heartbeat reduced the risk of miscarriage (or VTS ) to less than 1 percent. I know I will never know until I get to heaven and can see