Saturday, December 13, 2008

Things that make you go, "Hmm. . ."

I seem to be in a "funk" lately. I am just really saddened by the fact that my kids are getting older. Time seems to be passing so quickly, and I feel like I have missed so much of their lives, mainly Th's. It is hard for me to remember him as an infant, toddler, or 3 year old for that matter. Speaking with friends about this, someone told me it was because I have more recent memories of my other children. In other words, with each child I have, I have memories of the "newbie" and the older memories fade. I honestly think that's the case, and I wish I could capture the time and relive certain events again.

I guess I am just struggling to find time for everyone, and I don't just mean the kids, but TJ, too. We spent most of the day together (with Teagan) as a friend of mine from church kept the other children so we could go Christmas shopping. We had a great time; I, of course, laughed more today than I have in a while because my husband is such a goof. But, it was nice and we definitely need to do things like that more often. However, I have my memories of the days before I had kids, when it was just TJ and me against the "big, bad world." Those memories are still vivid and clear in my mind, unlike the days of when Th was a preschooler. I guess I can't explain it very clearly, but know that I am struggling.

Struggling with aging, struggling with mothering, struggling with my memories.

*I am thankful I serve a God Who doesn't forget and ALWAYS remembers everything about me.*