I am struggling right now. Since school has ended and I have been home full-time with my kids, I am having difficulty balancing my duties as a wife and mother. I have trouble finding time to do my daily chores (i.e. dishes, picking up, straightening up, vacuuming, etc). let alone my weekly ones (laundry, cleaning). I just don’t know when I’m supposed to do those things. Lunch and dinner are even more chaotic because they require my full attention. I try my best to plan and prepare meals in advance, but unless it’s a casserole, I have to spend some time in front of the stove. I try to do my chores during the day, but whenever I leave the room my kids argue or get into stuff they’re not supposed to. If I put off my chores until the kids take a nap, I am usually too tired and only get a few things accomplished. I’ve been staying up late in the evenings to try and finish some stuff, but at the end of the day I’m utterly exhausted and don’t have the energy to scrub bathrooms, fold laundry, or dust furniture. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried having the kids help, I’ve tried just doing a few things each day, but nothing seems to be working. It’s really depressing and overwhelming to me to see my house in this condition. Every where I look there is something that needs to be done- I just don’t know where to start or how to do it while the kids are awake. I often resort to sinful behaviors (i.e. losing my patience & yelling) in order to get just one thing accomplished before TJ gets home so he doesn’t think I did nothing all day. If he only knew how hard I try! On top of everything I have to do here at the house, I also have a responsibility at the preschool. I am painting my classroom this week, and next week I have to help paint the hallways. There just aren’t enough hours in a day! The point of this post: I need prayer. I need it more than you’ll ever know. Please, please pray for me as I struggle to rely on God’s promises and the truth of His word. 1 Cor. 10:13.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My little girl is getting so big! At 2 ½, T.G. has learned how to pump her legs on the swing. Th didn’t learn until he was 4, and Ta was 3. I suppose having older siblings to model the skill definitely had an influence on her learning. Her vocabulary is also blossoming. She cracks me up with all that she says. She even reprimands the boys when she knows they are doing wrong; it must be her natural instinct to “mother” them. What’s even funnier is that they listen to her!
Today we are embarking upon a new skill, one of which is my least favorite: potty training. Alas, I know it is a skill that is a necessity for independent living. In spite of all the benefits and such, I still hate it! But, my little girl is a trooper, and she’s done excellent today. She went potty on the toilet when she first woke this morning, before her nap, and twice after her nap. We had some errands to run this morning before lunch so she did wear a diaper, but since we’ve been home, she’s worn her panties. I am happy for this outcome yet I know an accident is bound to happen.
*I am thankful for my children, 2 boys who add excitement and energy to our house and 2 girls who help keep things calm.*
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Vacation Bible School just ended last week; it was great! I had 25 boys aged 9-11 (5th/6th grade) every day, with the exception of Monday when we only had 18. The boys were very well behaved and my youth workers were excellent with them. Much to my surprise I even taught a boy, named T, who I taught last year as part of an autism course I took at the college. He is non-verbal for the most part, a little aggressive but very affectionate. My helpers were great with him as he needed much one-on-one.
This year's VBS was the best by far, and it is a testament to God as I did not really want to teach this year. With graduation, family visiting, and my final 2 "teacher tests" (which I took yesterday, by the way), I have just been swamped with trying to get ready for everything. VBS was the last thing on my mind, and I did little to prepare. Honestly, when I was asked to teach, I originally said no. But, the Lord convicted me and about 2 weeks later the organizer approached me again because the person who was going to teach this class was no longer able. I knew this was the Lord giving me a second chance, so I reluctantly agreed. I knew I needed to be obedient to the Lord despite my feelings. I am so glad I did because it truly was an awesome week and God blessed our time together. I also think that God had me teach that particular grade level so that I would be T.'s teacher. Not that another person could not have handled him, but it was definitely better since I knew him and was able to communicate with him via signs (sign language) and gestures.
The biggest blessing came on Thursday. Rather than teach the bible lesson for the day, I decided to split the class into small groups and have each group meet with either myself or a youth worker for a candid talk. Each group talked about heaven, salvation, and the alternative to heaven, which is hell. We shared verses from the bible describing hell and who goes to hell, and then we did the same for heaven. Lastly, we shared the gospel and God's plan for salvation. 1 boy made a profession of faith and another wanted to know more. In my group, I was able to answer questions with the boys and share some verses assuring them of their salvation.
My biggest challenge all week was fighting my cold. I physically felt okay but I have a chest cold. I have a horrible cough that is keeping me from sleeping well at night. Despite not feeling well, I had a great week and enjoyed sharing the Lord's love with the boys. I am looking forward to next year and am honestly sad it's over.
"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." ~Matthew 18:20
*Note: T. and another youth worker, J., are not pictured. T. had to use the restroom at the time the photo was taken.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
"Jesus said to the woman, 'Your faith has saved you; go in peace'." ~Luke 7:50
I am going to share a secret with you (my reader, whoever you are): I carry an immense amount of guilt with me about my abortion 13 1/2 years ago. I know that when I placed my faith and trust in Jesus Christ to save me, all my past sins were forgiven (even my abortion) and I am now righteous before the Lord (John 3:16; Ephesians 2:1-9, Romans 5:8-9). However, the pain and guilt as a result of such a horrific sin were often brought to the forefront of my mind each time I heard the word 'abortion.' I have been struggling and dealing with these emotions for a long time; I even consulted with my pastor looking for wisdom and insight about the forgiveness offered by the Lord.
Sunday I received my answer in the form of the above verse. Do you see what it says? Did you read the words carefully? It says my faith has saved me; GO IN PEACE. That is such a freeing statement that I immediately began to cry, wept really, and thanked the Lord for my salvation.
Now I ask you- what guilt are you carrying around? What is burdening your heart? I searched and waited for almost 14 years to find this verse. I promise, it applies to you, too. Will you tell it to Jesus and thank Him today? He is waiting for you just as He was waiting for me. Always ready, always willing, always loving, always forgiving.