A Lifetime of Love

Full acceptance hit this week. I didn’t cry (very much) and I didn’t get sad; rather, I just reached the point of acceptance. Acceptance that I am not returning to school this year, and neither are my kids. Acceptance that we will be social distancing for a long time. Acceptance that this is our new normal, and our previous normal will never return. I have come to realize that acceptance is a good thing. Acceptance brought peace and calm. It also gave me time to reflect, analyze, and think about changes I want to bring about in my life as a mom, teacher, and friend. I was able to go back and look through photos of my year in my classroom, and seeing my little people brought some BIG smiles; we had such a fun year! Acceptance also forced me to realize that there is no better time than now to pursue my goals. I want to be the best teacher I can, and in order to be that, I need to know more. When you know better, you do better. I enjoy school and learning, and I try to take advan...

*Sigh* This week has been mentally challenging. I was officially laid off from my teaching position and began the steps to file for unemployment. That was heartbreaking, and it has nothing to do with money. When I was still being paid, it gave me hope that we might return to school before the end of the school year. However, the moment I received the news, my bubble was burst. On Wednesday afternoon, the governor announced that no one would be returning back to school before the end of the year. That was expected, but again, knowing what my children are feeling makes it difficult to accept. I have been thinking about this a lot, and it seems to me like we are going through the stages of grief (all over again). I definitely had denial (no, school won't be canceled), anger (why can't we just stay until Spring Break), bargaining (we can at least go back for a day to see friends and say our goodbyes), depression (been in this stage far too long), and now acceptance. I get...

When we took these pictures, I had no idea these would be the last pictures we took as a class. Looking at them brings so much joy to my heart! What else could the smiles, the laughs, and the fun of dressing up and being silly bring to one’s heart? Today my heart is hurting. I miss these kids. I miss the hugs, the excitement of sharing in their lives, and the thrill of witnessing them master a skill.  I miss my right-hand man (woman) who is so much more to me than my assistant. She is my friend, my idea-bouncer, and the peanut butter to my jelly. She is just as important to the success of the year as I am as the teacher.  We were only a few days away from Family Day, which is the day we sing songs and reveal the art work we have been secretly working on for the past 3 months. The stress of planning the artwork and executing the process was almost to an end, and I was both thankful and excited to reach that point in the year. I had already begun planning our...

Phew! This week was hard for so many reasons, especially since we are coming off Spring Break, but the reason that stands out the most is simply me missing my "old" life- the life prior to social distancing and coronavirus- and the many things (and people) I took for granted.  I walked a lot this week, which was good because it gave me time to clear my head and focus on the beauty of the world around me. A really bad storm passed through parts of the city late Sunday night, and when I walked early Tuesday morning, the devastation seemed just as bad as it had the day before. But, there were so many beautiful parallels to what we, the world, are experiencing that it sort of took my breath away.  Huge trees were uprooted or even split and broken in half. Branches and leaves were everywhere, covering the roads and yards. Power lines were down and some parts of the city were without for several days. As I walked and saw the devastation, I also saw the flowers which continued t...

Week 3 has been better in many ways. School was easier to complete, I was able to "talk" to friends while maintaining social distancing rules, and I got myself on a more "normal" schedule for our morning routine. Schooling with Ruthie, my 1st grader, went a lot better since I assigned my older 4 girls specific times to play with/entertain my little boys.  We tended to finish her school work by noon each day. Ruthie was also able to Zoom with her Spanish/math teacher one-on-one a couple of times throughout the week. Seeing her teacher and receiving individualized instruction was so good for her emotionally and academically. Ruthie was also able to Zoom with her class and both teachers for a little bit one morning. This is really the first time she has seen her friends and had an opportunity to talk to them. I think it was the highlight of the week for both of us! Ruthie talking with her class A couple of mornings this week I met a friend in a parki...

This week was somewhat better than last in certain aspects, but it also brought its fair share of difficulties. TJ wasn’t feeling well most of this week so that meant I was a single parent for 90% of the week. Let that sink in- 9 kids for 90% of the day, 24/7.   There were a few times where I was able to get some time to myself, for which I am thankful, but I am ready for this entire situation to be done and over.   Trying to balance schoolwork, housework, cooking, sibling squabbles, and children is challenging and often overwhelming for me.   I cried daily in the shower, sometimes in the middle of day, and even before bed depending on the day I had. I realize I am sounding very negative so let me add there were a few bright spots in my week.   The first was on Tuesday when I got to see most of the students in my class.   Let me share the backstory (since there really isn’t much else to do these days): prior to all the school closures, my class was wri...

I haven’t posted in a couple weeks, and I always process my thoughts/feelings better through writing, so this blog post is going to be somewhat lengthy. Stop reading whenever you are tired or bored, lol! A week ago last Thursday my sister, who is the District Nurse for a district in OH, called me and told me her district was closing beginning Monday by order of the governor. I was a little surprised, but I understood. Fast forward to last Sunday afternoon. The governor of SC ordered all schools here to close, effective Monday, also. I was not surprised as between Thursday evening when my sister called to Sunday afternoon, several states had shut down schools. While I wasn’t surprised, I also wasn’t prepared for what that meant. Schools closing have effectively turned my world upside down. And not just my world, but everyone’s. I am going to chronicle each week as we employ “social distancing” from our friends, classmates, and even family members. Week 1: 3/16-3/22/20 ...

It has been almost 3 years since my youngest was born, and about that same time, my life drastically changed. My older children at the time were 14, 12, 10, 8, and 7. My oldest was finally old enough and responsible enough to babysit. Now, to be clear, I didn't leave all of the children with him, but it was nice to be able to run errands and not have to take EVERYONE. That little fact was seriously life-changing. Additionally, my older children had acquired more responsibility at home in terms of life skills: they did (still do!) their own laundry, keep up with their rooms, can prepare full meals, and a host of other skills 100% independently. It took so long to get to that point, though, and the time between me being 100% responsible to them being fully responsible was the hard part. Like seriously, if you read back through my previous posts, you will see the struggles I openly shared as a mom and wife. Life ain't easy! And that brings us to now. 2020. My oldest i...