When we took these pictures, I had no
idea these would be the last pictures we took as a class. Looking at them
brings so much joy to my heart! What else could the smiles, the laughs, and the
fun of dressing up and being silly bring to one’s heart?
Today my heart is hurting. I miss these
kids. I miss the hugs, the excitement of sharing in their lives, and the thrill
of witnessing them master a skill.
We were only a few days away from
Family Day, which is the day we sing songs and reveal the art work we have been
secretly working on for the past 3 months. The stress of planning the artwork
and executing the process was almost to an end, and I was both thankful and
excited to reach that point in the year. I had already begun planning our next
big thing, the 4K Circus. The Circus is our version of a graduation, only
cuter. The children perform acts and then the entire 4K sings some songs. We
were going to tye-dye T-shirts and sign each other’s shirts as both a reminder
and a memento of our time together in class this year. It is such a bittersweet
time as these kids cross over from preschooler to kindergartner.
I had more books to read, more songs to
sing, and more dances to dance. I had more lessons to teach, especially in our
study of the alphabet. Back in October when we started our letter focus, I
collected the artwork we made each week that corresponded with the letter we
were studying. I had planned to bind them into a personalize alphabet book for
each parent and give it to them at the 4K Circus. We only made it to letter Tt.
We had 6 more letters to go, yet we will never reach Zz, at least not as a
class.
But more than anything, I had more love
to give and I wasn’t ready for goodbyes. I wasn’t ready to walk out my
classroom door and not return. It’s kind of ironic, but I had the children’s
faces on some penguin cutouts for our Winter bulletin board hanging in the
hallway. It was literally just their face- no human body, no neck, just a
smiling face that was attached to a penguin. When I switched to the Spring
bulletin board, I couldn’t bring myself to throw the faces in the garbage, but
I didn’t know what else to do. So I hung them up on the cabinet above my sink
until I could think of something. Each morning I would come in the classroom
and set up for the day, and those faces would be smiling at me while I worked.
I couldn’t help but smile back. If I had known on March 12th that
I wouldn’t be back in my classroom or able to see those faces again, I would
have brought them home to hang in my house. I miss those little
faces so unbelievably much!
I had completed Winter assessments on
my students at the end of February. I was so proud of all they had learned this
year, and I looked forward to seeing even more growth between Winter and
Spring. Some of my students were just beginning to read, and we were going to
work on building those skills. Some of my students were still struggling with
number and letter recognition, and I had lots of fun activities planned to help
them continue to learn. Some of my students were ready for simple addition, and
I had a game for that, too.
I know the Lord has a plan for this
time in our world, and I know good will (and has already) come from it, but
disappointment is a real thing and it is okay to feel it. I mourn for what we
are missing out on, and what my own children are missing out on with their
teachers and classes. I mourn for my own high school Senior who has no Senior
prom, no time with friends in his final semester of high school, none of the
experiences that most of us have in our Senior year. It hurts. I hurt. The
parents of my students hurt. The kids are hurting especially because most don’t
understand WHY we can’t be together at school. As much as I try to teach them,
the concept of germs just isn’t something kids grasp until they are older, and
even then most don’t care.
So for all the teachers out there who
teach because they are passionate about what they do and who they influence, I
see you. I feel your pain. I know your heart, and I know your heart is hurting.
We spend so much time with these kids (usually more than our own children) and
they leave each year taking a piece of our hearts with them. But that also just
means that we love them, and love is the greatest gift of all. We love because
He (Jesus) first loved us. I am so thankful to know what love is, and to know
that I am loved. Stay strong, and use this time as a reminder to cherish the
wonderful opportunity teaching (and parenting) affords us: to love and
influence a future generation for good.
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