Thursday, August 2, 2007

Slowly but Surely

Thanks to Carole who instructed me on how to do it, I am adding my posts from my old blog over to this one. Click on "Older Posts" to read about the past few months. I am adding a few at a time, so please be patient.

Blessings,
T

My Little Vampires

Th has officially retired his label of "preschooler" and traded it in for the title of "youth". To him, TJ and I are no longer Daddy and Mommy, but rather, Dad and Mom. As the realization of that sunk in yesterday, I became teary-eyed. I know I can't be Mommy forever, but I miss hearing him call me that. I don't think I ever recorded him calling us Mommy and Daddy, which means I am making it a point to record Ta and T.G. talking.

In some ways, I hate that my children are getting older, but at the same time, I am really struggling with their current ages. As I was dropping off T.G. in the nursery at church last night, I began crying when Gretchen (the pastor's wife) asked about feeding instructions for T.G. I know, that question probably made all of you cry, too! Seriously, I started crying as the frustrations of the day came pouring out. Let me back up.

Earlier, I was trying to prepare dinner, feed T.G., and keep the boys from killing each other. I didn't have enough hands to do it all, and T.G. didn't want to eat. She wanted to be held, and I just couldn't do it. So she cried. Then she wailed. Then she fell backwards on the carpet and cried even harder. Then Ta started climbing the pantry shelves and Th hurt himself crashing into the couch. My house was in complete chaos! I hate when TJ comes home to that, but that is the reality of my day each and every day. Now back to Gretchen.

Church starts at 7PM on Wednesday evening. We eat supper before we go, so for T.G. to need to eat is unusual. I felt like a bad mom for bringing her to church hungry, but as I wrote before, she didn't want to eat when I tried to feed her. Gretchen gave me a hug and just listened as I told of the difficulties I've been having with my children. If anyone understands, it's her. She told me I'm in the worst of it because of the ages of my kids, which is both good and bad. It's good because that means it (parenting) really can't get any worse. It's bad, because it totally stinks. She used the illustration of having the blood sucked out of you because of all of the kids pulling in different directions.

That is exactly how I feel. Bloodless. Stretched. Eyes toward Heaven as I pray for strength.