Friday, April 4, 2008

A "Wild" Weekend

We are headed to the Wilds this afternoon. My kids are so excited they can hardly stand it. I am excited for them, similar to how I feel at Christmas. I just hope they aren't disappointed.

Poor Ta is worried about his surgery on Monday. We talked a lot last night before bed about it. He is dreading it, and I hate that I can't calm his fears. I'm not really sure what he's afraid of, but I do know I am scared, too. I explained to him that he would have some medicine so he'd go to sleep, and while he was sleeping, the doctor would look in his ears and put in new tubes to help him hear better. When he woke up, we'd be there with him and the nurse would bring him juice and a snack. He liked the juice and snack part, but that was it. He asked if he could go to sleep on my lap, and I felt my heart crush a bit as I answered no. Of course then fear and doubt set in, and my mind wondered to all the horrible thoughts of what if he didn't wake up, what if this is our last weekend together, what if . . . I am getting teary-eyed as I type just thinking those awful things.

I had a bad day with my kids yesterday. I lost my patience self-control several times, and I regret it so much. I just need to focus on Phil. 4:8, so that will be my goal for the weekend. There is so much going on right now in my life (Ta's surgery, childcare for the other 2 on Monday, a situation at school) that is out of my hands, and I am having difficulty letting God be God. I'm trying, but it's so hard. . . doubt, fear, worry, anger all fill my mind. Uggh! "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)