A Lifetime of Love

*WARNING* This is another long post. Not as ugly, but just as long. Read only if you have time to kill. In my last entry, I left off at the date of my salvation. That is where this picks up. . . In Basic Training, there were two flights, or teams, that did everything together: eat, drill, train, etc. I was in an all-girl flight and the other flight was all-boy. Since we spent so much time together, I got to know everyone on both teams very well. I spent every waking moment with them for 6 ½ weeks! After BT, I transferred to Wichita Falls, TX for job training. About 2 or 3 other people from my flight in BT went with me. We all ended up being in the same class at that base, too, although this class was much smaller with a total of 8 or 9 people. I really got to know everyone well because of the small class size. About half way through the training period (about 4 weeks into it), we received our orders for our permanent duty station. We were all in a class for airplane mechanics on the KC...

The 10 year anniversary of my salvation is approaching. I have been reflecting on my life since that day, and actually the years before, and God’s goodness throughout. I would like to share with you, but I warn you, this post is long and not for the faint of heart. I also want to add that I am going to share some ugly details of my past, so stop reading now if you think it will change your opinion of me. Finally, I want to add that although I am not proud of my past (I am dreadfully ashamed!), God is so amazing and forgiving, which is why I am sharing. If He can forgive me for my most horrific sins, He truly can forgive anyone (Psalm 103:12). I hope from this post you will better understand the God I serve. He is an amazing God, full of love, forgiveness, hope, compassion, strength, more than any man can know, and all that I am lacking. It is because of His love for me that I was saved 10 years ago and have changed to be a new person, conformed to the image of Christ His Son (2 Corinth...

Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of Joseph's birth and death due to complications from Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). Since I am going out of town, I am posting this today. In my mind the last few weeks, I've been thinking of ways to best honor him, his family, his life. I can't really express my feelings; for some reason I am having difficulty putting my thoughts and feelings into words. The Lord has just really layed it on my heart to tell everyone AGAIN about what a special little boy Joseph was/is, and the incredible strength his family has. To honor his short life, my post today is dedicated to him. I am including links that his family feels are important, and my hope is that this will help spread awareness of CDH. I also want to share how God has used Joseph to bring me, and undoubtedly others, closer to Him. Romans 8:28 says that the Lord works all things together for good. The Olson family has suffered terrible pain and loss, but God has been working in t...

I feel like I am sleep-walking. I am mentally drained. This has been a difficult week for me. I started the semester Wednesday, so I now have the added responsibility of school along with my other duties as a wife and mother. The lack of sleep this week is getting to me, too. Last night was the best night of sleep I've had in a long time. I was asleep by 10:30 and didn't wake until 6:20. Almost 8 hours! Watching the children went better than expected. My verse for the day was Philippians 4:13. I woke up at 2:30AM because I was paranoid I wouldn't hear my alarm go off at 4:15, so from 2:30 -4:15 I just sort of dozed for about 20 minutes at a time. During this time I prayed and prayed that the Lord would give me the patience and endurance I would need to face the day. I also prayed He would allow the children to behave (mine, not the others). God is good and answered my prayers! There was some fighting between my kids, but overall we had a good day. The sugery went well, too...

I am panicking tonight. I normally try not to let stress of the unknown get to me, but tonight it is. I offered to keep my friend's youngest 2 children (ages 11 months and 2 1/2) for her tomorrow because her husband is having back surgery. I know what it's like to not have family nearby to help with childcare, and I didn't want her to not be with him at the hospital because of lack of childcare. So. . . I am keeping them for her. No big deal. Except the baby doesn't like to take a bottle (sound familiar?) and doesn't care for food too well. And his surgery is in Charlotte. And he has to be at the hospital by 5AM. Yes, you read correctly. I am getting her children at 4:30AM. I just pray they go right back to sleep! I've been up since 4:20 this morning because of my own children. I know God's grace is sufficient, and I am thankful I am able to help her out. Just pray for my sanity tomorrow as I care for a 9 month old, 11 month old, two 2 1/2 year olds , and 4...

I finished transferring all of my old posts over from the other website. Transferring them allowed me to see God's blessings in my life. Some of my favorites are listed below: Carole The Season of My Life Get Growing! Be Strong, Like a Tree I hope you read all of them, not just those listed above. The Lord has definitely reminded me of His presence in my life over the past few months as I re-read my old posts, and I'm thankful for that.

". . . the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight." Proverbs 27:9 NKJV We spent the morning at the park. It was very nice, especially since a friend from church met us there. The youth pastor ( YP ) and his wife Julie had a new baby a couple of weeks ago so my friend brought their children with her to give Julie some time alone with the baby. Th and the YP's oldest son Caleb are great friends. Talking and sharing of God's goodness is what I love to do, and I had an opportunity to share with my friend today. We have a similar background, so she understood a lot of what I was sharing. She was such a blessing to me, and I feel very refreshed this afternoon. I'll share my story with ya'll someday soon, I promise. I had Caleb over last week to play to give Julie a break while her other children napped. As you can see from the pictures, the two boys think and act alike. They had fun, and that's all that matters! We all need friends, no matter our age. ...

I’ve not written in a while because I’ve been busy preparing for various events. To make a long story short, the Lord really blessed me on Friday. I ended up saving $35 off the total bill for some clothes I purchased for the kids. The cashier made a minor mistake but felt so bad for it that she gave me 20% off in addition to a $10 coupon I had. That was an awesome feeling, especially because the cashier really didn’t have to do anything! I also helped prepare another meal for Val on Friday evening. I was hoping to be able to deliver it, but my schedule wouldn’t allow it. Although disappointed at not seeing them, I was still grateful for the opportunity to be a blessing to this family. Saturday we had friends over from the MOMS Club for a family cookout. It was really nice. I am hosting one every quarter and limiting participation to the first 5 families who RSVP. Because it’s small, we are better able to get to know the entire family, not just moms and kids. It’s an even better way...

The randomness of death is all around. I can’t seem to get away from it. We were walking last night at a local park and happened upon a monarch butterfly dead on the pavement. Th was brokenhearted; he wanted me to bury it. He had a difficult time just leaving it there on the ground. I didn’t know what to do, so I told him we could remember it by drawing a picture of it. A friend of my sis-in-law passed away today. About a month ago he was feeling ill with flu-like symptoms. Found out he had cancer and was immediately hospitalized. He never made it back home, but God sustained his wife through this ordeal as is evident in her journal she set up to keep friends/family members updated as to his condition. Perhaps I am just “noticing” death around me more since the passing of Mark. I don’t know. I know death is coming. I get that. I really do. Sadly, I sometimes feel like I am so caught up in my day-to-day activities that life passes me by. But I guess that’s why I write here. I can se...

I have added some more posts dated from May. Re-reading them helped make me much more aware of the Lord's involvement in my life, and more thankful for it. I mean, it's easy to see God when things are going good; it's when a person is knee-deep in muck that faith comes into question. May wasn't too long ago yet it's easy to forget the blessings, especially if I'm not paying attention. I think re-reading my older posts has helped me to really see that I am not alone in my motherhood journey, even though so often it seems that way. It makes me think of the familiar "Footprints in the Sand" poem. One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many time...

As you can see from the pictures, we went horseback riding yesterday afternoon with our T-n-T group from church. We had fun, especially the boys. We had a great turnout, and it was nice to see a certain family join us who hasn ’t been able to attend the past few months for various reasons. I greatly enjoy the fellowship this group provides, and I believe the other families do too! If you are interested in participating in our next event, contact me and I’ll give you the details. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband, and I was once again reminded of that today. TJ helped me clean, and then he occupied the children so I could relax in the bath. . . for an hour! It was so nice to sit and read my favorite magazine ( Family Fun ) in peace and quiet. What a wonderful way to start the week. Thank you, Lord, for my husband.

Hi! I am very busy today but I wanted to take a moment to let you know about Angel Food Ministries . "Angel Food Ministries is a non-profit, non-denominational organization dedicated to providing grocery relief to communities throughout the United States." Basically, pay $25 and receive approximately $50 worth of food. I have never done it, but being married to the thrifty person that I am, we placed our order for September's menu today. I emailed the company because I was concerned that if we did order, we would be prohibiting others who really need the grocery relief from receiving a meal since we do not qualify for food stamps, WIC , or any other type of government help. I was assured that it is open to anyone, especially those who recognize a great value, regardless of income. I hope this is valuable information for some of you, especially those who like to save money like us!

I visited with Val for a little over an hour last evening. I am so thankful I was well enough to go. We sat on the floor and cried, talked, cried some more, and talked some more, all while T.G. played around us. Mark's spirit was evident all around us from the pictures on the wall to the "We Love You, Dad!" banner hanging in the dining room. I have met some strong women over the past few years since attending Harvest. Each of them is strong for different reasons, and Val is no exception. She amazes me with her strength through what is probably every couple's worst nightmare. As we shared a moment of grief, she quickly thanked the Lord for the many blessings He's provided during this time. I think so often as humans we are quick to ask, "Why me?" or "Why didn't You do something to prevent this?", which is a totally natural response, but Val has a different attitude. She pointed out to me that although she misses Mark dearly, so much good ha...

I opened up my blog to allow anyone to read it. It scares me to do that; I am very apprehensive about not knowing who reads it. I switched to this hosting site to better know who was viewing my web page because of the comments left by total strangers at the last web host. BUT, not everyone wanted to log-in here each time. So, to combat that and to make me feel better, I have shortened all of our names to just initials. If you know me and my family, you should be able to figure out to whom I am referring. If not, email me and I'll consider sharing that information. I am also feeling better today. Just a little congested but nothing to complain about. I have a million things to do today and a few errands to run. I am actually excited about that since we haven't been out of the house in a few days. Well, that's not true. We did go to the doctor and library yesterday, neither of which was enjoyable. I am helping to bring a meal to Mark's widow this evening. That is weird t...

As in Jeff Gordon's race car, not the TV show. My dad went to the NASCAR race in Indianapolis a few weeks ago and bought souvenirs for the boys. Aren't they cute in their matching shirts? I am feeling a little better this evening. My medicine kicked in, and I was able to nap this afternoon for about an hour and a half. The Lord allowed TJ to come home at lunch time and stay to help this afternoon. Of course, now he's feeling sick, too. We stayed home from church this evening because all of us are sick. Our entertainment for the evening was a trip to the library to return some books. I know, you are so jealous of my action-packed life!

I am worse today than I was yesterday. I went to the doctor yesterday evening and I was prescribed a mouthwash with a numbing agent to help my throat. The doc did a strep test and it came back negative, but she also prescribed an antibiotic because she said it may be too early to test and my throat was awfully raw. Yeah, no kidding! I ran a fever through the night and broke out in chills about 3:30AM. I couldn't get warm enough. TJ slept with Ta because he's still not feeling well. Without TJ in bed, I didn't have the extra body heat to keep me warm. I feel miserable today and am scheduled to work in the nursery at church this evening. I don't even want to get off the couch let alone watch other people's babies! T.G. has her 9-month well visit this morning. I was hoping TJ would be able to come home from work and take her, but no such luck. I have to muster up the energy to shower, get dressed, and feed the kids before making the journey. I hate being sick...

The Lord is really humbling me today. Because T.G. is teething, she has cold-like symptoms that are making her cranky. Additionally, Ta was up at 3:30AM this morning with croup. Despite being sick, his energy is the same. I am also not feeling well. My throat and left ear hurt terribly. I am going to call the doctor later this afternoon to be seen this evening. I still haven't showered yet; I don't have the energy. Because my throat hurts, I haven't been talking much today. The kids love it, I'm sure! Since I'm not feeling well, I've been praying A LOT for the wisdom, grace, and mercy that I need in order to mother today. The Lord has answered my prayers and allowed T.G. to take a good morning nap. Also, the boys have been getting along fairly well. The minor tiffs they've had have been handled well by me, if I do say so myself. As TJ put it, get through this morning and then rest this afternoon with the kids. Sounds great to me! I'm off to l...

I talked TJ into going through the kids' toys and selling some of them. We just have way too much stuff, and in the past I've donated the toys to the Crisis Pregnancy Center. I am going to try sell them at a consignment sale and use the money to buy the kids some clothes. Whatever doesn't sell, I'll then donate. I am looking forward to going through the toys; I just need to find time to do so. School begins again in 2 weeks. I am excited, but also stressed at the same time. My time is limited as it is, and school only adds to it. In addition to taking classes, I am leading a Bible study for some friends of mine. This will be my second time leading a Bible study, and I love to do it. I love sharing with others the many ways the Lord has blessed me, convicted me, and taught me. We are doing a study on stress, so it will be beneficial to me, as well. We begin next week, and meet 10 times over the next couple of months. God has been dealing with me the past couple of ...

I've been doing better with the kids the past couple of days. I visited a friend of mine yesterday morning who has 4 children and is pregnant with her fifth. Her kids are all less than 2 years apart, and I always receive a blessing when I spend time with her. She is very laid-back and easy-going; not at all like me! Her philosophy is pretty much let them be kids unless they're hurting themselves or someone else. Who cares about the mess they make, which is where I struggle with my kids. I am such a neat-freak that to see a mess in my house stresses me out. I can feel my blood pressure rise when I see the toys and chaos. I am trying to teach my children to put away their toys when they want to play with something else, and my friend just has them clean up at the end of the day. After spending time with her, I remember not to make a big deal about the small things, so it makes parenting a little easier because I'm not constantly griping at my children. I guess I just ...

Thanks to Carole who instructed me on how to do it, I am adding my posts from my old blog over to this one. Click on "Older Posts" to read about the past few months. I am adding a few at a time, so please be patient. Blessings, T

Th has officially retired his label of "preschooler" and traded it in for the title of "youth". To him, TJ and I are no longer Daddy and Mommy, but rather, Dad and Mom. As the realization of that sunk in yesterday, I became teary-eyed. I know I can't be Mommy forever, but I miss hearing him call me that. I don't think I ever recorded him calling us Mommy and Daddy, which means I am making it a point to record Ta and T.G. talking. In some ways, I hate that my children are getting older, but at the same time, I am really struggling with their current ages. As I was dropping off T.G. in the nursery at church last night, I began crying when Gretchen (the pastor's wife) asked about feeding instructions for T.G. I know, that question probably made all of you cry, too! Seriously, I started crying as the frustrations of the day came pouring out. Let me back up. Earlier, I was trying to prepare dinner, feed T.G. , and keep the boys from killing each other. I di...

Or so the saying goes. Lately, though, I'm not so sure. I just haven't been feeling myself lately. Very overwhelmed by my kids, especially the boys. I think part of it is TJ's working longer hours, which means I'm home longer with them. But, on top of that, I feel very alone and isolated. TJ and I don't get many opportunities to really "talk", and if it's important, I usually email him. I feel very disconnected, and that's not good. Plus, I hate to bother him with the details of my day at home, especially because his work environment is stressful on him. I know I add to his stress, and I'm trying to stop. In the past, when I've felt bummed out, I would call my mom. But lately, I feel very disconnected from her, too. I'm not sure what's going on with everyone. Maybe it's just me, but I just don't feel like I have anyone who is willing to just sit and listen. I have several close friends, and I know they can relate to how I am...