A Lifetime of Love

My heart is still hurting, a combination of our loss and the pain I see in my children, especially Th. He is my child who is very compassionate and tender-hearted and has taken the news harder than the others. I think it's because he's older and he understands more, and truthfully TJ and I underestimated his level of maturity and understanding. He teared up when we told the kids, but he was able to keep his composure and not let loose. But, he did immediately ask about the health and well-being of the other baby and wanted to know, "What if the other baby dies, too?" That took me by surprise as I was not prepared for that question. TJ handled it well and simply said, "Then we won't have any new babies and it will live with Jesus, too." But, I know the thought is weighing on his mind as his teacher told me last night on the phone that he told her what happened. I hate that he has become distracted by this news; I don't want the kids to worry so I am t...

It’s been an up-and-down kind of day for me. I did good for the most part, but I had my moments. I still haven’t fully accepted everything so I find myself studying the u/s picture searching for anything that remotely resembles a second baby. It’s not there, and it never will be. The pain of that reality still stings. Bad. I used to be a mother-of-multiples, now I'm not. How do I acknowledge this baby without acknowledging the other? With my last miscarriage I questioned everything: what did I do, how could I have prevented it, why did this happen. With this one, I am not questioning anything with the exception of one thing: I just want to know what went wrong. When I found out about the twins, both babies had good, strong heartbeats. The doctors never informed me of this “Vanishing Twin Syndrome” since both babies seemed to be doing well. A viable heartbeat reduced the risk of miscarriage (or VTS ) to less than 1 percent. I know I will never know until I get to heaven and can see ...

I do better with writing than I do with talking, especially when it comes to not-so-good news. I could never call each individual person, especially through the tears. I had my regular doctor’s appointment today. They did an ultrasound, and prior to that the doctor and I were talking about the last u/s. She was encouraged by the shape of the egg sacs and was very optimistic about the outcome of today’s u/s. However, much to our surprise, one of the babies has died. I’m not sure when as it is simply gone, like it never existed. It’s a phenomenon called “Vanishing Twin” and rather than having a miscarriage, the mother’s body absorbs it. The other baby looks great and the heartbeat is still nice and strong. A blessing in this tragedy. I am in a state of shock. I still can’t believe it. I feel like a part of me is missing- I can’t really explain it. I am grieving, but how do I grieve a baby I never met? I suppose I am grieving shattered dreams. Although I knew it was going to be difficult,...

Today is Th's birthday. I can't believe how quickly the years have passed since the Lord blessed us with him. Some hallmarks to his last year include: entering and successfully completing kindergarten in public school growing tall enough to ride some of the "big" rides at Carowinds learning to read and enjoying it, especially when reading to his brother or sister figuring out to spell words when TJ and I don't want the kids to know what we're talking about :) a growing imagination that impresses me each time he uses it We are probably one of the few families who does not own a video game system. I am not into video games, and neither is TJ , so that has never really been a desire for us. Plus, I limit their television viewing each day. As a result, the kids play more and use their imaginations more. My boys love to build things, and play so well together for the most part. Th is able to see something in his mind and construct it out of blocks, train tracks, ...

Here are a few pictures of her first year, along with the Lord’s blessings throughout. . . September 21, 2008, 2 1/2 weeks before her due date of October 8th. At birth- 7 lbs, 4 oz. All cleaned up. . . She was very jaundice. She had to sleep on a light bed for about 3 weeks after we brought her home. So thankful for God's provision in providing a smaller " bili -bed" that we could have in our home rather than keeping her in the hospital for that long. At 3 months old, her first Christmas. . . At 6 months old, eating solid food like a big girl. . . At 5 months old Teagan was still not holding her neck steady nor rolling over. I knew something was wrong and mentioned it to her pediatrician. He referred me to BabyNet , South Carolina's name of the portion of the special ed law that covers children birth to age 3. Teagan qualified for physical therapy and this is her at almost 7 months old, sitting supported. Again, so thankful for the Lord's intervention. You can ...

While I was busy cleaning out the toys and such, TJ took the older kids so I could work without interruption. He dropped T.G. off at his mom's house and took the boys to a local fundraiser event in Greer, The Big Dig. For a fee, the boys were able to drive real construction equipment. Needless to say, they had a blast! Here are some pictures from the day. . . On the shuttle to the dig site (Ta's first ride on a bus- he was excited!) Ta operating the digger. . . Th operating the bulldozer. . . Th driving a road grader. . . Ta scooping up a pile of dirt in the front-end loader. . . It should be obvious how much fun they had- I wish I could have enjoyed it with them instead of de -cluttering at home, but Lord willing we can go as a family next year! =) *I am thankful for a husband who is so involved with his children.*

Not really much to talk about this week. I spent the day yesterday going through all the toys we own trying to make room for toys received from 3 birthdays and Christmas coming up in the next 3 months. I separated everything into 4 piles: keep, toss, sell, & donate. Although it doesn't seem like I made a huge dent in our toy supply, I donated 1 huge bag of toys, trashed another, and have 3 boxes and 2 piles of toys in my bedroom that need to be cleaned and priced to sell. I have registered for a local consignment sale next week, so I need to get everything finished between now and next Tuesday. If I work on it a little each night, I should finish. I am not looking to get rich, but it will be nice to have a little extra money to put away for the babies we need to plan for. I am excited for tomorrow. My sis is having an ultrasound to determine her baby's gender. She wants a boy but would be okay with another girl. I just want to know because I'm excited for her. I'm g...

The first week of school went well. It was very exhausting (more than I anticipated!) but very fun. I have a wonderful class (17 in all) and I think it will be a great year. We begin our study of letters this week so I have been busy preparing mini-lessons to accompany each letter. I will admit I am surprised at the amount of preparation I need to do even in preschool. I thought because I was teaching only half-days the work load would be less; boy, was I wrong! I have brought work home with me each day, mainly because at the end of the day my own kids are ready to leave so I can't really finish up things at school. I am also surprised at how quickly the morning passes. It seems like we never have enough time to finish all that I want to get done in one day; I suppose I will learn to better manage our time as I get used to our daily routine. We do lots of art projects, and I am still working on timing those better so that we can finish them in one day rather than two. On a differen...

Brandon's family set up a CaringBridge site. I encourage you to read it, and if you feel so inclined, sign the guestbook with a word of encouragement. Even if Brandon or his family does not know you, this is a difficult time for them and any/all words of encouragement are appreciated. Thank you in advance! http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brandonfarley P.S. Cancer sucks!