Skip to main content

Stressed, overwhelmed, and emotional. . .

are probably the best words to describe how I am feeling lately. In all honesty, I have never felt any of these emotions to the extent that I have been feeling since yesterday. Balancing my home life and school has always been challenging, but never like this. I am second-guessing myself in every decision I make, taking me on even more of an emotional roller coaster. For instance, I needed to clean the house as I haven’t done it in 2 weeks. I decided to begin last night, and I finished up this morning. I worked my behind off to get almost everything clean. But, because of my decision to clean, I put off doing my school work until this afternoon. I regret that decision now.

I spent the afternoon trying to figure out where to begin, and with each assignment I started, I can’t finish because I either need more information from my students or from my teacher. Plus I received an email today informing me that I have less than 2 weeks to prepare and teach my students a 30-45 minute lesson. Not only that, but I am going to be observed and graded on how well I do. No problem, except that I have other assessments/lessons/parent interviews/student evaluations I have to complete in the same time frame. On top of all that, at some point I will have to spend time away from school in the hospital delivering a baby. I am trying to get ahead so that when delivery day comes, I won’t feel so overwhelmed. My plan is not working so great!

This semester I just can’t seem to balance my duties as a wife, mom, and student like I have in the past, and that is where the emotional part comes in. I feel like since I can’t find that balance, everything is suffering, and it makes me cry. I hate feeling like a bad mom, a bad wife, and a bad student, but nothing I do seems to make things better. I tried to convey some of these feelings to TJ, but he doesn’t fully understand because he’s never been in my shoes before; I’ve never been in these shoes before, and they are very lonely shoes. I didn’t know it was going to be so hard. I don’t know if it’s because I am taking more classes or if the fact that, in past semesters, I always had at least 2 ½ hours of uninterrupted time to study while the kids were in preschool. This semester, that’s not the case. They are in preschool but I always have at least one child home with me, which is why I decided to clean this morning rather than do school assignments (I am the type of person who needs absolute SILENCE to concentrate. I am easily distracted by noise, so even the sound of a child quietly playing keeps my focus off my schoolwork. I have to read and re-read in order to comprehend something when I am distracted.) Also, by having at least one child in tow, it makes it difficult for me to go to school to work on assignments. I have copies that I need to make and stuff I need to print, but I can’t show up in the computer lab with my kids- it’s just not good etiquette! I have an assignment due by 5pm Thursday where I have to design a bulletin board related to health education. I was hoping to go do that this afternoon but for various reasons, it didn’t work out. I was able to purchase some of the supplies that I need for it this evening, but how am I going to show up in a classroom with a 22-month-old to put up the bulletin board? I can’t! My only option is to stay after my class on Monday night to do it, but it stinks because I don’t get out of class until 8pm and where my bulletin board is being displayed is on the other side of campus.

The only comfort I have in all of this is that it is temporary- 1 semester. By the grace of God, I just need to get through this 1 semester. . . That is my prayer, and has been for the past couple of days.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Thursday Thirteen #3

Thirteen Things about South Carolina Mom 13 jobs I have held. . . 1. Special Olympics Swim Coach Best job ever and very rewarding! 2. Preschool/Youth swim instructor My first job (I volunteered until I got hired on at the Y, then I was paid.) 3. Lifeguard This was my first paid job. 4. Crew Chief/aircraft mechanic on the KC-10 I loved it- I saw the world on this plane and pushed myself the farthest mentally and physically I ever have or ever will again. Of course I missed my family and friends, but if I had to do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat. 5. Debrief personnel I talked with aircrews after they landed about their flight/mission. I learned the logistical side of flying. 6. Tool Crib personnel I gave the mechanics tools for various jobs needed to fix the airplane. I also inventoried and ordered new tools, and that was fun. Until this job, I had no idea that tool companies have a representative drive around in a truck full of tools for people to use and try. It was during t...

Thursday Thirteen #5

Thirteen Things about South Carolina Mom 13 Reasons to live in SC. . . 1. Mild winters- it only snows about 1 time per year (unless, of course, you live in the mountains, although I don’t know how much snow even falls there). The average temperature hovers around 50 degrees Fahrenheit. On a cold day, it may drop into the low 40s. On a really cold day, it may be in the 30s, but those are few and far between. 2. Hot summers- summer is my favorite time of year. I love to swim, as do my kids, so we spend a lot of time in our pool. We also like to travel to the beach (we went 3 times last summer!) 3. Friendly people- most everyone waves as you drive down the street. Also, gathering in the warm summer evenings on the front porch is common and a great way to meet new people. 4. Sweet tea- I know you can get this in any Southern state, but I live in SC and that’s why it’s on my list! 5. Peaches and Strawberries- these are the main fruits grown in the part of the state where I reside. I love fr...

6 years in 10 minutes

It has been almost 3 years since my youngest was born, and about that same time, my life drastically changed. My older children at the time were 14, 12, 10, 8, and 7. My oldest was finally old enough and responsible enough to babysit. Now, to be clear, I didn't leave all of the children with him, but it was nice to be able to run errands and not have to take EVERYONE. That little fact was seriously life-changing. Additionally, my older children had acquired more responsibility at home in terms of life skills: they did (still do!) their own laundry, keep up with their rooms, can prepare full meals, and a host of other skills 100% independently. It took so long to get to that point, though, and the time between me being 100% responsible to them being fully responsible was the hard part. Like seriously, if you read back through my previous posts, you will see the struggles I openly shared as a mom and wife. Life ain't easy! And that brings us to now. 2020. My oldest i...