And I have mixed feelings about that. The snow depresses me in some ways. It makes me think back to my "old" life, the life I left in Ohio all those years ago but yet can't seem to fully get away from. I know my past will always be a part of me, but lately I can't help but long to escape it. Perhaps it's because of tomorrow. Obama coming into power, and the world crumbling once that happens. Although I know it won't happen instantaneously, I do believe it will be quick. I grieve for those women who believe the lies being fed to them about women's rights, equality, and most importantly, abortion. Abortion destroyed my life and my baby's life. Oh how I wish things were different, at least in that aspect. It's times like this that I find myself in constant turmoil, eyes misty with tears and a heart tender to the Lord, begging for forgiveness yet again. When does it stop? When does the pain, guilt, and sense of loss go away?
It has been almost 3 years since my youngest was born, and about that same time, my life drastically changed. My older children at the time were 14, 12, 10, 8, and 7. My oldest was finally old enough and responsible enough to babysit. Now, to be clear, I didn't leave all of the children with him, but it was nice to be able to run errands and not have to take EVERYONE. That little fact was seriously life-changing. Additionally, my older children had acquired more responsibility at home in terms of life skills: they did (still do!) their own laundry, keep up with their rooms, can prepare full meals, and a host of other skills 100% independently. It took so long to get to that point, though, and the time between me being 100% responsible to them being fully responsible was the hard part. Like seriously, if you read back through my previous posts, you will see the struggles I openly shared as a mom and wife. Life ain't easy! And that brings us to now. 2020. My oldest i...
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