Saturday, January 24, 2009

It's over

Just as quickly as the snow came, it was gone. We had very little, but school was cancelled nonetheless. I was grateful, though, because it was another day for me to catch up on some housework. Now that I am gone all day, my normal “chores” are put on hold until the weekend, meaning the weekends are now jam-packed with housework, planning lessons, and completing university assignments. I have honestly never been so tired in my life! Well, actually, Basic Training was pretty comparable in that I rarely slept!

I have been thinking long and hard about my life, about TJ’s life, this past week. I don’t really know why. Perhaps because of my recent birthday. I just know we had a conversation (well, several times we’ve had this conversation) and I keep thinking about how true it is. We often talk about the Air Force, and when we meet people for the first time or when it somehow comes out in conversation that we met while in the AF, people are really shocked. I don’t know why- it doesn’t seem that shocking to me. But anyway, I am usually asked a question or two about why I joined or what made me join- something along those lines.

The truth is, for both of us, it was our escape. I don’t’ mean in an unbiblical way like we were running from someone or something, but more of a fresh start, a new life. Speaking for myself, my life was turned upside down in Dec. 1995, and everyday was a constant reminder of my horrible action and its resulting consequence. I had to live and relive memories that I no longer wanted, and in my mind, I had no other option but to get out of town. I was determined that I was not going to live my life in constant turmoil or grief, at least outwardly. Inside is a different story. . .

For TJ, I think he, too, wanted to start anew, and the AF was his way of doing that. He had recently moved down South from NY, so that in itself was a new start, but perhaps it wasn’t enough. I don’t know- I can’t really say for him. I just know that we both joined because we both knew we needed to get away from the grips of our past. So, I guess in a sense we were running from our pasts, but I do like to think of it more as a new, clean slate. We left that life for a reason, and to go back there is too painful, and to quote TJ, “The past is the past for a reason.” I couldn’t agree more!

Not really sure why this topic has been on my heart lately, but I felt the need to journal some in an attempt to sort out my thoughts. It’s been a while (at least I think it has) since I’ve really journaled on here, which is the reason I began to blog in the first place. I know I often blog about my daily (or weekly) musings, but this is the subject that has been on the forefront of my mind for some reason. Oh well, I’ve written it down and can now examine my own words in an effort to make some sense of them or find the meaning behind them. Sometimes what’s not said is more important than what is.

*I am thankful the Lord has been with me every step that I have taken in my life- both the big and little, the striking and mundane. He knows my heart, my intentions, and the plans He has for me. Jeremiah 29:11*

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